New Year ... Time to Reflect on Screentime and adjust your Family Media Plan

It's a New Year and that means you may have some new devices in the house. Now that the Holiday chaos has ended and we are resetting into 2019, it might be a good time to update those Family Media Plans or create one if you haven't already. Setting up parental controls and screen time rules and procedures and then be consistent with those rules. This will help your kid create a online/ offline balance. Cell Phones, tablets and gaming devices all have enormous power in connectivity and interaction and we want to makes sure our kids are developmentally able to handle the responsibility of the device they are using. We also want to be sure the devices aren't interfering in sleep, school-work and our kids emotional and social well-being. 

If you want to create a Family Media Plan, check out Creating a Family Media Plan Blog Post. 

If you want to learn more about Parental Controls, check out Utilizing iOS12 Parental Controls

Learn to Read Apps & Websites

Tech Holiday Gift Guide

Tech Holiday Gift Guide 

There can be a lot of pressure as parents to get the “it” gift for the Holidays but I’m here to encourage you to make sure your child is ready for the Tech/ device/ game you are considering gifting. The simple act of giving “access” (with parental controls) is a awesome gift in it of itself. Now I don’t know about you but I’m not handing over my iPad unless I have a kid-friendly, kid-proof case for my son. I’ve listed some of my favorites below as well as some amazing headphones (that meet OSHA recommendations of 80dB). Gifting a phone, gaming device or tech-enable watch or other Tech is a big responsibility and you want to make sure your child is 100% able to handle that responsibility. I also would recommend setting up a ‘Family Media Plan’ with the rules and consequences of using the device. We want to help our children have a healthy relationship to Technology and devices. 

Headphones:

2 features to look for: noise canceling and limited volume (under 85 decibels)  

iPad or Kindle Covers: 

    

Technology: A tool or a distraction?

Is Technology a distraction for your Child? Is homework taking hours every night? Is your kid waking up tired because their sleep is being disrupted by devices or notifications? 

These are serious questions parents have regarding their young tween or teenager. I frequently hear these issues brought up by parents as a major concern of technology; Is it a distraction for my kid? 

Tips to help your kids find balance with Technology: 

• Turn off the Wifi: Have kids do their offline work first (even an online assignment or post can be written separately and then uploaded) to help them focus on the task at hand. 
• Remove other devices: If they are working on the computer, the phone doesn't need to be right next to them. It will only be a cause of distraction if a notification comes up. If they insist on having it next to them, turn on the ‘Do not disturb’ setting to help minimize distractions. 
• Make them sit in the kitchen or dinning room instead of their room: Some kids need a little help staying on task and being in the same room will help. 
• Use apps, settings or website blockers to block distractions: Along with turning off WifI you can use tools like Freedom or Leechblock or screen-time limits to block out the distractions. While not all kids will appreciate these tools, it’s nice to know they are available if needed.  
• Model for your kids: It’s important that kids see you putting your phone away during screen free time/ family time or meals. I also found talking about how my productivity goes down when I’m distracted by social media or checking email if I’m in the middle of writing and have a deadline due. 
• Setting time limits: Again this depends on the kid, but setting a time limit for the online work can help some kids focus on the task at hand. 
• Print text: Some kids have a hard time focusing when reading text and articles online. The environmentalist in me hates suggesting this strategy but the teacher in me knows that some learners benefit from having the physical paper in front of them. This allows them to highlight and take notes and takes away the temptation factor when reading text online.  

Every child is different and limiting tech distractions will vary based on the child. It’s easy to get frustrated with our children's inability to focus when using Technology and devices. Instead of getting frustrated try helping them set up strategies for removing distractions. In a 2017 Study of College students published in the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality the authors found that successful goal- attainment was not in fact due to ones self-control but actually attributed to eliminating temptation (aka distractions). As parents we can start teaching strategies to eliminate distractions when our kids are young so that they can be successful when they get to college and beyond. If we take away the idea that self- control is linked to success and emphasis eliminating distractions, we are giving our children tangible strategies they can use to attain their goals. 

Milyavskaya, M., & Inzlicht, M. (2017). What’s So Great About Self-Control? Examining the Importance of Effortful Self-Control and Temptation in Predicting Real-Life Depletion and Goal Attainment. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 8(6), 603–611. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550616679237

8 Internet Safety Tips to Teach your Kids

8 Internet Safety Tips to Teach your Kids: 

1. Be mindful what you share 

• Does the website ask for specific information such as your name, school, etc. Don’t give away information that someone can trace back to your home/school/et and track your down. 

2. Turn off location services and set privacy settings 

• It’s important that our kids know to turn off location services and set privacy settings on social media platforms. 

3. Always log out of your accounts

• Get your kids in the habit of logging out when in school/library so the next user can’t access their information

4. Never share your passwords (and don’t use the same password for everything) 

5. Think about who you friend/ follow (and don’t feel like you need to reciprocate a friend/  
     follow)

• Encourage your kids to only follow people they personally know (and to not follow or friend someone just because so-and-so knows them). As a parent of a beginning social media user (Elementary age) you should know everyone in their contacts list and everyone they follow/ friend. 

6. Don’t fall for clickbait (articles that have crazy or interesting catch phrases to get you to 
    click on the link) 

7. Keep tabs on your digital footprint 

• Google yourself, think about what photos are posted of you, think about the comments you are leaving. All these marks create a “digital persona” of you online.

8. Don’t respond or click on mysterious messages

• Hackers and scammers are very creative and will try to get you to open and click on links that download virus’ to your device (or access data/ information). Be wary of any message from someone your don’t know. Grammar mistakes, odd wording and seems to good to be true messages should always raise a red flag. 

What is Cyberbullying?

What is Cyberbullying? 

Cyberbullying is a relentless and continuous harassment online via texts, social media, email, and other online communication. What makes cyberbullying different is that it does not consist of one post or comment but is an endless cycle of harassing online that is deliberate and ongoing. 

Cyberbullying occurs over various online forms that connect to the Internet from cell phones or tablets to gaming consoles. It frequently occurs on social media sites such as Twitter, Instagram, FaceBook, Tumblr and YouTube. What we also frequently see in cyberbullying  situations is that it isn’t usually just one student cyberbullying another but rather a group of students that join in and escalate the bullying online. 

What are some forms of Cyberbullying? 

• Posting mean comments online
• Creating fake accounts to post mean comments, troll and harass 
• Creating a fake account or website with the intention of trying to hurt someone 
• Posting a picture or video with the intention of being mean and embarrassing someone
• Spreading rumors via texts, email, messaging, social media
• Threatening or harassing someone online or through texts 
• Using online gaming to harass or threaten 

When to teach our children to seek help? 

-If they are threatened. 

-If they are scared. 

-If they are afraid to go to school, practice, or certain places.

-If their grades have decreased

-If they are affected in a negative way and are thinking about it all the time

-If they are depressed, anxious, or are suicidal (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be called anytime at 1-800-273-8255 or suicidepreventionlifeline.org)

How can we help our kids navigate their online world and deal with cyberbullying? 

It’s important that we start teaching our children when they are young (K-2) and not wait until they are teens and have already encountered cyberbullying. 

Common Sense (https://www.commonsense.org/education) says the best ways to help children in Kindergarten to second grade is by:

• “Limit online socializing. Because there is more risk for bullying on sites where kids can openly communicate, avoid open and free chat sites. Look for sites that offer prescripted or prescreened chat options, like Webkinz or Club Penguin.
• Explain the basics of good behavior online. Remind your kids that being mean, lying, or telling secrets hurts — both online and offline. And remember to praise your child when you see good behavior.
• Remind your kids not to share passwords with their friends. A common form of cyberbullying is when kids share passwords, log on to another child’s account, and pretend to be that person. Kids can protect themselves by learning that passwords are strictly private, and they should be shared only with their parents. Make sure they are also logged out of any shared devices.
• Make sure they talk to someone (even if it’s not you). A child should tell a parent, teacher, or trusted adult if he or she is being bullied online. Tell your child that this isn’t tattling, it’s standing up for him- or herself.
• Advise them on how to handle cyberbullying. Even though they might be tempted to, your child should never retaliate against a cyberbully. They can stop the cycle by not responding to the bully. Also remind them to save the evidence rather than delete it.
• Establish consequences for bullying behavior. If your child is mean to or humiliates another child, consider taking phone and computer privileges away and discuss what it means to be respectful to others. Better yet, ask them to write an apology letter.”

From there we as parents can build upon these lessons as our children get older. Recent information suggests that one of the most successful ways to combat cyberbullying is peers sticking up for peers. We want to teach our children what to do if they are being bullied but also teach them to stick up for other students and friends when they see they are being cyberbullied. When our children OBSERVE cyberbullying happening they can help support the target of cyberbullying by:

• Asking if they are alright
• Supporting them by leaving positive comments or tweeting them something nice
• Never forward or share embarrassing, cruel or inappropriate content 
• Talk to a trusted adult 
• Record it and report it (to a trusted adult or anonymously at school)   

*It’s also very important to remind our children to DE-ESCALATE the situation when possible. Sending threats or responding back with inappropriate or hateful language will only make the situation worse.

We, as parents can also share coping strategies to help our tween or teen deal with “digital drama” or Cyberbullying. The following are strategies that will help:

• Document the Cyberbullying 
• Save the texts/ emails, print out pages or Screenshot the website or social media post, download images or videos
• Keeping a journal of whats been happening can be helpful when being cyberbullied over a long period of time. Writing down what was said, when it was said (date/time/where occurred), and how it made you feel can help track the events and show the escalation and continuous nature of the bullying 
• Don’t Respond 
• As challenging as it is, it’s important to teach our children not to respond to the cyberbullying. If they respond the situation will likely look like a disagreement and it will be more difficult to prove that cyberbullying is occurring. 
• Talk to a trusted adult (parent, school counselor, coach or teacher) 
• Block the attacker on social media sites
• Report the comment, image, or user to the site administrator. Most sites like Instagram and Facebook have a feature to report inappropriate, threatening and malicious content and get the post removed (and if the user receives multiple reports their account could be banned temporarily or permanently.) 
• Contact your school and/or police. Even if the cyberbullying happens at home, your school probably has anti-bullying procedures in place (49 states excluding Montana have laws requiring schools to have anti-bullying policies). School officials work regularly with law enforcement to determine whether cyberbullying constitutes a crime. 

Is it Cyberbullying or “digital drama”?

Senario 1

Jane sees a picture posted on Instagram of her friends at a sleepover over the weekend. The friends have all commented on the photo and have said things like “best night ever” and “that movie was so funny” Jane feels left out and doesn’t understand why her friends wouldn’t invite her and then show off the images from that night. 

Verdict: Scenario 1 is one of the negative aspects of social media and the feeling of isolation it can create for our children (and ourselves). This is a typical “digital drama” situation that your child may experience at some point. It’s important to teach our children that many times when people are posting images or stories on social media they are happy and want to share what they are experiencing. These are often not malicious posts or intentionally trying to make someone else feel left out. 

Senario 2

Sara gets a text from a friend saying that they found a fake Facebook page on Sara and that it has embarrassing photos and information. Sara goes to the Facebook page and see’s someone created a fake account with her image and has posted content that is unflattering, untrue and defamatory to her character. 

Verdict: This is cyberbullying. Sara should document the page (take screenshots) and tell a trusted adult. 

Senario 3 

While playing the game Fortnite, Jordyn starts receiving messages from other players in his multiplayer game that “he sucks,” “go kill yourself” and other inappropriate and threatening messages. He has played the game many times before and this has never happened before. He feels uncomfortable by this onset of attacks from the other players. He decides to stop playing and logs out. 

Verdict: This is the beginning of cyberbullying and is the “digital drama” that occurs when in an open messaging forum. A few questions that should be asked are: (1) Who sent the message? Do you consider this person a friend?, (2) Has this ever happened before?, (3) How is it affecting you, emotionally and mentally?, and (4) Does it make you want to stay off Fortnite or delete your account?  The best thing as a parent we can do is to learn about the games our children want to play then set appropriate boundaries around them. Fortnite has 2 options for playing; an individual game and a multiplayer game that allows players to play with others. For young children the open ended ability to connect and talk with strangers could expose them to unsafe and inappropriate interactions. As the parent you can set boundaries when they are old enough for multiplayer features and if you still feel uncomfortable then you can play with your child so you can observe what they are encountering. Setting up a Family Media Plan can also help establish healthy behavior online and offline (check out ‘How to Set-Up a Family Media Plan’ Blog post for more information.)  

Many times I hear parents say to “suck it up” or “toughen up” when talking about Cyberbullying and then they go into a story about bullying that occurred when they were younger. It’s important to remember the problem with cyberbullying is that it is repeated and harmful and very isolating. One mean comment or a embarrassing photo on Instagram isn’t cyberbullying but an ongoing harassment over a period of time that frequently has a group of people joining in is cyberbullying. 

Many times cyberbullying is happening at home and continuing at school making it impossible for the child to find a safe space. This can lead to feelings of helplessness and larger issues of anxiety and depression. It’s important to talk to our children so that they don’t feel alone and isolated and create trust with our children so they come to us as parents in these situations (or go to another trusted adult, aunt, teacher, coach). 

It’s also important to remember if you are cyberbullied, you are not alone. Remind your kids this because the nature of cyberbullying is to make the target feel isolated and alone.  

“Being different is always gonna be a tough climb. But at the end of the day, if you give those bullies the power to affect you, you’re letting them win. And they don’t deserve that.” -Adam Lambert

What is Digital Citizenship?

With this week being Common Sense Media's Digital Citizenship Week (October 15th -19th) I thought it would be a good idea to touch on the subject. It's important to remember that just because our children our tech-savy and seem to pick up technology quickly, it doesn't mean they understand how to be a good digital citizen.

What is Digital Citizenship? 

Digital Citizenship is the skills and knowledge to navigate the online world safely, responsibly and competently. 

It’s how we behave, act, and think when online. 

Common Sense Education has a FREE Digital Citizenship Curriculum with 80 lessons with support materials for grades K-12 that align to the Common Core State Standards, the International Society for Technology in Education’s National Education Technology Standards (ISTE’s NET•S), and the American Association of School Librarians (AASL) Standards. These student- centered, media rich lesson address the various aspects of teaching digital competency. As a parent you can ask your school to see if they are teaching about Digital Citizenship. I know as a Technology teacher our 6-12 Technology department addresses these topics within our comprehensive curriculum. As an education utilizing these FREE resources will help empower our students to think critically, behave responsibly and safely, and navigate and evaluate what they see online.