What is Cyberbullying?

What is Cyberbullying? 

Cyberbullying is a relentless and continuous harassment online via texts, social media, email, and other online communication. What makes cyberbullying different is that it does not consist of one post or comment but is an endless cycle of harassing online that is deliberate and ongoing. 

Cyberbullying occurs over various online forms that connect to the Internet from cell phones or tablets to gaming consoles. It frequently occurs on social media sites such as Twitter, Instagram, FaceBook, Tumblr and YouTube. What we also frequently see in cyberbullying  situations is that it isn’t usually just one student cyberbullying another but rather a group of students that join in and escalate the bullying online. 

What are some forms of Cyberbullying? 

• Posting mean comments online
• Creating fake accounts to post mean comments, troll and harass 
• Creating a fake account or website with the intention of trying to hurt someone 
• Posting a picture or video with the intention of being mean and embarrassing someone
• Spreading rumors via texts, email, messaging, social media
• Threatening or harassing someone online or through texts 
• Using online gaming to harass or threaten 

When to teach our children to seek help? 

-If they are threatened. 

-If they are scared. 

-If they are afraid to go to school, practice, or certain places.

-If their grades have decreased

-If they are affected in a negative way and are thinking about it all the time

-If they are depressed, anxious, or are suicidal (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be called anytime at 1-800-273-8255 or suicidepreventionlifeline.org)

How can we help our kids navigate their online world and deal with cyberbullying? 

It’s important that we start teaching our children when they are young (K-2) and not wait until they are teens and have already encountered cyberbullying. 

Common Sense (https://www.commonsense.org/education) says the best ways to help children in Kindergarten to second grade is by:

• “Limit online socializing. Because there is more risk for bullying on sites where kids can openly communicate, avoid open and free chat sites. Look for sites that offer prescripted or prescreened chat options, like Webkinz or Club Penguin.
• Explain the basics of good behavior online. Remind your kids that being mean, lying, or telling secrets hurts — both online and offline. And remember to praise your child when you see good behavior.
• Remind your kids not to share passwords with their friends. A common form of cyberbullying is when kids share passwords, log on to another child’s account, and pretend to be that person. Kids can protect themselves by learning that passwords are strictly private, and they should be shared only with their parents. Make sure they are also logged out of any shared devices.
• Make sure they talk to someone (even if it’s not you). A child should tell a parent, teacher, or trusted adult if he or she is being bullied online. Tell your child that this isn’t tattling, it’s standing up for him- or herself.
• Advise them on how to handle cyberbullying. Even though they might be tempted to, your child should never retaliate against a cyberbully. They can stop the cycle by not responding to the bully. Also remind them to save the evidence rather than delete it.
• Establish consequences for bullying behavior. If your child is mean to or humiliates another child, consider taking phone and computer privileges away and discuss what it means to be respectful to others. Better yet, ask them to write an apology letter.”

From there we as parents can build upon these lessons as our children get older. Recent information suggests that one of the most successful ways to combat cyberbullying is peers sticking up for peers. We want to teach our children what to do if they are being bullied but also teach them to stick up for other students and friends when they see they are being cyberbullied. When our children OBSERVE cyberbullying happening they can help support the target of cyberbullying by:

• Asking if they are alright
• Supporting them by leaving positive comments or tweeting them something nice
• Never forward or share embarrassing, cruel or inappropriate content 
• Talk to a trusted adult 
• Record it and report it (to a trusted adult or anonymously at school)   

*It’s also very important to remind our children to DE-ESCALATE the situation when possible. Sending threats or responding back with inappropriate or hateful language will only make the situation worse.

We, as parents can also share coping strategies to help our tween or teen deal with “digital drama” or Cyberbullying. The following are strategies that will help:

• Document the Cyberbullying 
• Save the texts/ emails, print out pages or Screenshot the website or social media post, download images or videos
• Keeping a journal of whats been happening can be helpful when being cyberbullied over a long period of time. Writing down what was said, when it was said (date/time/where occurred), and how it made you feel can help track the events and show the escalation and continuous nature of the bullying 
• Don’t Respond 
• As challenging as it is, it’s important to teach our children not to respond to the cyberbullying. If they respond the situation will likely look like a disagreement and it will be more difficult to prove that cyberbullying is occurring. 
• Talk to a trusted adult (parent, school counselor, coach or teacher) 
• Block the attacker on social media sites
• Report the comment, image, or user to the site administrator. Most sites like Instagram and Facebook have a feature to report inappropriate, threatening and malicious content and get the post removed (and if the user receives multiple reports their account could be banned temporarily or permanently.) 
• Contact your school and/or police. Even if the cyberbullying happens at home, your school probably has anti-bullying procedures in place (49 states excluding Montana have laws requiring schools to have anti-bullying policies). School officials work regularly with law enforcement to determine whether cyberbullying constitutes a crime. 

Is it Cyberbullying or “digital drama”?

Senario 1

Jane sees a picture posted on Instagram of her friends at a sleepover over the weekend. The friends have all commented on the photo and have said things like “best night ever” and “that movie was so funny” Jane feels left out and doesn’t understand why her friends wouldn’t invite her and then show off the images from that night. 

Verdict: Scenario 1 is one of the negative aspects of social media and the feeling of isolation it can create for our children (and ourselves). This is a typical “digital drama” situation that your child may experience at some point. It’s important to teach our children that many times when people are posting images or stories on social media they are happy and want to share what they are experiencing. These are often not malicious posts or intentionally trying to make someone else feel left out. 

Senario 2

Sara gets a text from a friend saying that they found a fake Facebook page on Sara and that it has embarrassing photos and information. Sara goes to the Facebook page and see’s someone created a fake account with her image and has posted content that is unflattering, untrue and defamatory to her character. 

Verdict: This is cyberbullying. Sara should document the page (take screenshots) and tell a trusted adult. 

Senario 3 

While playing the game Fortnite, Jordyn starts receiving messages from other players in his multiplayer game that “he sucks,” “go kill yourself” and other inappropriate and threatening messages. He has played the game many times before and this has never happened before. He feels uncomfortable by this onset of attacks from the other players. He decides to stop playing and logs out. 

Verdict: This is the beginning of cyberbullying and is the “digital drama” that occurs when in an open messaging forum. A few questions that should be asked are: (1) Who sent the message? Do you consider this person a friend?, (2) Has this ever happened before?, (3) How is it affecting you, emotionally and mentally?, and (4) Does it make you want to stay off Fortnite or delete your account?  The best thing as a parent we can do is to learn about the games our children want to play then set appropriate boundaries around them. Fortnite has 2 options for playing; an individual game and a multiplayer game that allows players to play with others. For young children the open ended ability to connect and talk with strangers could expose them to unsafe and inappropriate interactions. As the parent you can set boundaries when they are old enough for multiplayer features and if you still feel uncomfortable then you can play with your child so you can observe what they are encountering. Setting up a Family Media Plan can also help establish healthy behavior online and offline (check out ‘How to Set-Up a Family Media Plan’ Blog post for more information.)  

Many times I hear parents say to “suck it up” or “toughen up” when talking about Cyberbullying and then they go into a story about bullying that occurred when they were younger. It’s important to remember the problem with cyberbullying is that it is repeated and harmful and very isolating. One mean comment or a embarrassing photo on Instagram isn’t cyberbullying but an ongoing harassment over a period of time that frequently has a group of people joining in is cyberbullying. 

Many times cyberbullying is happening at home and continuing at school making it impossible for the child to find a safe space. This can lead to feelings of helplessness and larger issues of anxiety and depression. It’s important to talk to our children so that they don’t feel alone and isolated and create trust with our children so they come to us as parents in these situations (or go to another trusted adult, aunt, teacher, coach). 

It’s also important to remember if you are cyberbullied, you are not alone. Remind your kids this because the nature of cyberbullying is to make the target feel isolated and alone.  

“Being different is always gonna be a tough climb. But at the end of the day, if you give those bullies the power to affect you, you’re letting them win. And they don’t deserve that.” -Adam Lambert

What is Digital Citizenship?

With this week being Common Sense Media's Digital Citizenship Week (October 15th -19th) I thought it would be a good idea to touch on the subject. It's important to remember that just because our children our tech-savy and seem to pick up technology quickly, it doesn't mean they understand how to be a good digital citizen.

What is Digital Citizenship? 

Digital Citizenship is the skills and knowledge to navigate the online world safely, responsibly and competently. 

It’s how we behave, act, and think when online. 

Common Sense Education has a FREE Digital Citizenship Curriculum with 80 lessons with support materials for grades K-12 that align to the Common Core State Standards, the International Society for Technology in Education’s National Education Technology Standards (ISTE’s NET•S), and the American Association of School Librarians (AASL) Standards. These student- centered, media rich lesson address the various aspects of teaching digital competency. As a parent you can ask your school to see if they are teaching about Digital Citizenship. I know as a Technology teacher our 6-12 Technology department addresses these topics within our comprehensive curriculum. As an education utilizing these FREE resources will help empower our students to think critically, behave responsibly and safely, and navigate and evaluate what they see online. 

Tips for approaching Screen-time with young children:

• OBSERVE the child’s behavior. When using high-quality, age-appropriate media, kids will exhibit positive behavior. 

• SCREEN what the child is watching, viewing and playing before they do. There is no criteria to be an “educational app” even though many apps parents find in the app store label themselves as such yet have no research supporting this claim. Choosing shows, movies, apps, and games that are age-appropriate is key for learning to occur. 
• For children under 18 months media should be avoided (except video-chatting). 
• For children 18-24 months viewing high quality media with the child is most effective (avoid solo media use at this age). 
• For children 2-5 years old, co-viewing is the most effective way to use media, limit to under 2 hours a day, avoid fast-paced media, avoid those with advertisements, and talk with children about what they are viewing and try to make a connection to the world around them. 

• DIVERSIFY the media. Not all media was created equal; passively watching TV is very different than an educational app or game. As children get older they will be using computes and devices in schools and a set amount of screen time will be difficult to enforce. Time spent with technology should be diversified over apps, gaming, research and homework, social networking and entertainment. The goal is for children to be well-adjusted socially and emotionally both online and offline.

• TURN OFF background television as it can distract children from creative play and can limit parent-child interactions. 

• TALK with the child about what they are viewing, why they find it interesting and how it makes them feel. Create an open dialogue. As children get older they may come across images, comments or content that is hateful, inappropriate or makes them uncomfortable. If you approach social media and technology with open dialogue, if a situation arises the child will come to you and you can work through it.

• Create a MEDIA PLAN that works for your family and then enforce it consistently. This could include screen-free times such as during dinner or having screen-free rooms like the kitchen or bedrooms. This also means setting limits based on the child's age or time of day. Its recommended that screens should be limited an hour before bedtime as it can interfere with sleep.  For older children charging of devices should NOT be done in bedrooms so sleep won't be interrrupted or distract before bedtime. Having the conversation with your partner early about the purpose of media and screen time within your family helps sets the stage for the future. Every child and every family will have a different media plan. Be realistic about your families needs. 

• And always MODEL the behavior you want from your children with media use. They are watching everything you do. For young children it is helpful to narrate what you are doing when you are on your phone or computer. As adults we frequently use our devices for work or other necessary times and saying “Mommy needs to answer this email to her client right now but will be able to play once I’m finished” will help young children put a context and purpose to what you are doing.